In control or spiralling and plummeting?
Published by Maz in Reclaiming Calm · 14 March 2024
Hi, welcome to my second blog in the series Reclaiming Calm In this blog I share my insights into what happens when we go from calm and in control to either up - as in hyper or down which we term hypo.
The work mainly comes from the Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges and neuro science applications.
I also find useful the work of Pat Ogden, who works with how our life experiences affects our body responses. The lists below come from her work with Janina Fisher in their book Sensorimotor psychotherapy (2014)
As with all my blogs I take relevant theories and break them down into everyday language, relating them to everyday experiences. This will inevitably mean an over simplification, but I hope gives insights and understanding which is informative and useful.
This blog, like others, may bring up difficult memories or highlight difficult situations you are currently living in.
We all need others and I encourage you to reach out for help, see our 'Support Page' or contact us through admin@u-ok.info or through Facebook messenger.
So, first being calm and connected could mean that you are;
* Composed, relaxed and at peace.
* Competent to make decisions* Alert, open minded and able to think clearly
* Feeling safe and secure
* Able to handle challenges
* Curious, engaged and interested.
* Centred and able to respond instead of react.
* Trusting in yourself and your abilities.
* Able to focus and concentrate.
This we call being regulated
So, what happens when we go up or down and are dysregulated?
It's all about our autonomic nervous system (ANS) and 2 active sections which are continually working together in harmony to keep us regulated.
1 - The Parasympathetic System - working to keep us calm.
2 - The Sympathetic -adrenal system - which when activated sends our heart rate up, adrenaline is secreted and our ANS system focuses on safety. All of this happens unconsciously and instinctively.
When we feel threatened, we instinctively respond to keep ourselves safe.
Threat is about our physical and emotional safety, but also about a threat to our basic survival needs of love, security and wellbeing.
So, we go into habitual survival responses which are common in all animals.
Sometimes we are not able to respond in the way we would like to. This could be because of many reasons which include:
* The threat is from a person who is more powerful - due to a position like a boss, parent or teacher.
* The threat is from someone stronger in size, or you are outnumbered.
* You may be threatened with something which prevents you from protecting yourself.
* You may be trapped in some way, possibly hurt, unable to move, like in an accident.In which case your other survival methods will automatically take over, these are.
If you do not get the support you need, your body can remember, and when something or someone triggers you, it can take you back to that survival response.
To see how this can be re-enacted in everyday life consider the following examples:
RUN: When you feel overwhelmed at work - you just want to escape and run.
FIGHT: You react aggressively to a comment, without really knowing why.
SHOUT: You feel like you are being blamed unfairly and you just want to scream.
FREEZE: You suddenly freeze, go hyper alert when someone suddenly rushes past you.
SHUT DOWN: Life gets too much, you just want to curl under the blanket and not face it.
So, a state of hyper arousal could mean that you experience any or all of the following:
* Getting easily overwhelmed or distressed
* A racing mind, obsessive or repetitive thoughts.
* An urge to run, leave.
* Wanting to attack, verbally or physically.
* Restlessness, easily startled, jumpy fidgety.
* Easily distracted, difficulty concentrating.
* Always alert for danger, hyper vigilant.
* Angry, afraid, enraged, anxious, nervous, irritated.
Or it could mean that you go 'down' known as the 'Dorsal Vagal State' of shut down, which could be any of the following:
* Motionless, weak, powerless, unable to move.
* Collapsed, feeling passive.
* Bored, spaced out, apathetic, lethargic, disconnected.
* Depressed, despairing, unmotivated, hopeless
* Heavy, low energy, wanting to sleep all the time.
* Sluggish, an
* Emotionally flat, dull, numb empty.
Why is this information important?
Even when our responses are habitual, instinctive, unconscious and out of our control we can still feel ashamed, a failure, and live with guilt which can add to a spiral either 'up' or 'down'.
Or we decide there is something wrong with us, born deficient in some way which feeds our sense of despair.
Instead with this information consider that the way you respond to life could be as a result of what has happened to you and how you instinctively responded to it - what you did to survive and how this is playing out now.
Or what is happening to you now and what you are instinctively doing to survive it.
So, what can we do?
This is different for everyone, and will vary in degrees.
Working out with a therapist what is happening and what happened in the past can be really helpful. It can be hard to do this alone. The following may also help;
1) With this insight into the ANS and how it works, try to move from blaming yourself and being self-critical to being curious.
2) Start to notice when you are 'regulated' and when you go 'up' and when you go 'down' by using the lists above.
3) See if you can recognise in your body the sensations when you are triggered.
4) Be curious and consider what is triggering you, sending you into an 'up' or 'down'.
5) Can you relate this reaction to a previous time when you had to survive a situation. With the knowledge that the body is reacting from a previous time, you can learn to self-sooth. This takes practice and persistence. But the following helps:
* Practice breathing and calming techniques connecting you to your body away from racing thoughts. The more you practise these while regulated, the more you can use the skills when you become dysregulated.
* When you first notice going 'up' or 'down' try and put these techniques into practice. Counting to ten with
slow breaths and talking to yourself calmly.
* If you are not under threat now, remind yourself that the threat was in the past and you're safe now.
* If you are currently living with threat in your life then I encourage you to reach out for help and support.How useful was this information? I welcome your feedback.
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